Just a short WIPpet

~ Elaine Jeremiah

Hi all. How are you doing? (Yes, OK I sound just like Joey from Friends!) Anyway I hope all is well with you. I’m still fighting off this virus – I’m taking a long time to get rid of it. Urgh.

So because I’m tired and not wanting to do too much as I don’t want to be too knackered to do go out tonight, I’m sharing with you nine lines for the month from my WIP, which I’m tentatively calling Teaching Mr Leavis. (Thanks to all of you who commented on my WIPpet a couple of weeks ago with ideas on how I could tweak the title!)

In this scene my MC Rebecca is at her sister Maria’s house and they’re having a heated discussion about who should deal with their parents. I should add that Rebecca grudgingly accepted a life home from Jonathan Leavis the previous evening. That’s all I’m gonna say though…

Rebecca watched as her sister shut the cupboard door with unnecessary force and turned to her. Her brow was furrowed; Rebecca could feel an argument brewing and she wished herself back in Jonathan Leavis’s car – anywhere was better than here.

‘I don’t see why you had to dump them on me, Rebecca,’ Maria said, her face red.

Rebecca sighed and picked at the piece of cake on the plate in front of her. She raised her eyes to her sister. ‘I can’t cope with Mum and Dad descending on me at the moment, Maria,’ she said. ‘School’s just too busy and…’

‘That’s always your excuse, Rebecca, isn’t it?’ Maria interrupted. ‘I mean, come on, it’s been months now.’

And that’s all you’re getting! If you’ve never taken part in WIPpet Wednesday and you think it’s something you’d like to do, all you have to do to join in is post an excerpt on your blog of whatever you’ve been working on writing-wise lately. All we ask is that it relates in some way to the date. Then add your details here. And don’t forget to check out the other WIPpeteers’ offerings as well.

Thank you oh Queen of the Monkeys K. L. Schwengel for hosting us. 🙂

Published by Elaine Jeremiah

I live with my husband and dog in the UK. I'm the author of four novels, my latest being a Jane Austen fan fiction time travel romance, 'Love Without Time'.

36 thoughts on “Just a short WIPpet”

  1. Ooh, tension. Love it. One little thing. You use names in dialogue three times in this little bit, so that may be a bit much. I tend to do this quite often and am currently getting scolded for it by my betas, so I’m now hyperaware of it both for me, and other people. Just something to think about.

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      2. It’s Adrian who declared the war on names in dialogue, so I suppose I have her to thank for it. It’s joined the list of all the really annoying things I never knew I did when I wrote until I got betas.

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      3. Oh, I have many, many of those things. I suspect all authors do. Some, like the names, are pretty common. Others are our own special quirks. Good thing we have betas!

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      5. There are very few things an author can do that bother me if the story is good and I like the characters. It’s distracting if it’s really full of spelling/grammar/punctuation errors, but things like names in dialog or using a word a lot only bother me when I’m beta reading. If I’m lost in a story, I don’t notice.

        Adrian’s gonna kill me, though, when she sees how often I used names in dialog in my book. *facepalm*

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      6. I know what you mean. I have to say I don’t appreciate reading a story with lots of typos/spelling/grammar mistakes etc in it, BUT that won’t necessarily stop me from reading it to the end if the story’s good enough.

        I do tend to spot people’s (mainly indie authors’) mistakes though and I’m not sure everyone does.

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  3. This is great. I am now wondering what it is about their parents that has them arguing over who has to deal with them. Sadly, I’m familiar with that sort of scenario.

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    1. Their parents are retired and a bit demanding. They want to visit their offspring, who don’t necessarily want them around when they’re busy! Earlier in the story Rebecca suggested to her mum that she visit Maria instead. This is the conversation about that. 🙂

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    1. Thanks very much Rachel. Although this is technically a romance, I’m trying to have some subplots as well to vary things a bit, shake things up and so on. Rebecca’s demanding family is one of them. Glad you appreciated the excerpt. 🙂

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      3. Ha ha you really made me chuckle ReGi! I knew exactly what you meant, no worries! But it can be hard sometimes when you’re online to know if people have taken what you’ve written the right way!

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      1. I haven’t made it to Facebook the last few days – that tends to happen when my characters are vocal…

        It’s on my short list for today, though….

        I’m liking Rebecca a lot. She’s got layers, and the stresses of real life. And I really want to know how it all worked out that she took a ride from Audi-man!

        Hope you’re feeling better today!

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      2. That’s not a problem Shan, I’ll wait to hear from you. 🙂

        Yes I like Rebecca too! She’s feisty and she doesn’t let Audi Man get the better of her. And no I’m not telling you why she got a lift from him! 😉

        Yes I am feeling a lot better today Shan, like I’m finally kicking this virus. Fingers crossed it lasts!

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  9. Oh, dear, these sisters have a lot of issues, don’t they? . But the good thing is, I can see both sides of the argument. Good job!

    I do agree with the comment above that they are using each other’s names in dialogue too much, but that should be an easy fix.

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    1. Yeah, Rebecca and Maria do have issues, though Maria is generally quite supportive of Rebecca – it just doesn’t show in this part of this scene! Where they fall out most is when it comes to who should deal with their demanding parents.

      I’ve noted the comments about using the names too much and I’ve amended it in the original. It sometimes feels like there’re so many things of what to do and what not to do as an author!

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  10. Arguments about parents are never a good thing. *sigh* Nice bit of sisterly squabbling here.

    One thing (well, besides the names ;p )the line about slamming the cupboard would have more impact if you showed us instead of having Rebecca ‘see’ it happening.

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