Hi all. As the title of this blog post suggests, I decided to do something a bit different for my contribution to this week’s WIPpet Wednesday. I haven’t actually written anything new for ages – I’d put my new WIP on hold while I was editing Reunion of the Heart.
Anyway, I decided that because I hadn’t done anything new I’d create something new. What follows is something I’ve written in about half an hour. I don’t know if it’s good, I don’t know if it’s bad, so as always your comments are welcome.
It doesn’t relate to the date, but hey you can’t have everything! But it’s not too long either, so that’s a bonus!! I won’t say anything else about it, so just enjoy. 🙂
What am I doing? she asked herself as she turned around and left him standing there in shock, his mouth hanging open, as though all the words he wanted to say had deserted him just as she had.
But she kept walking on and didn’t look back; she couldn’t. This was it. She had to take a stand – she couldn’t do this anymore. Her life had been one big lie for the past ten years. If only she could make him understand. It’s too late for that, the merciless voice in her head told her. There’s nothing else you can do.
Tears pricked at her eyes as she thought of what might have been. She blinked them away and trudged along, the one bag she was carrying heavy on her shoulder. She half expected him to come running after her, to grab her arm and wrench her back into his life. But she knew him better than that – the indifference he showed her that had threatened to engulf her.
Her mind carried her back to their wedding day, how happy they’d been. The hopes and expectations that they and all their friends and family had had. She remembered the smiles of her father, the happy tears of her mother, her own joy at celebrating this perfect day as she was marrying this wonderful man. Was it really only ten years ago? Somehow it felt a lot longer than that.
The road she was on, literally and metaphorically, was not one she would have chosen for herself. It would be an uphill climb, and there would be no one to share her heavy load. She stared at the narrow pavement she was walking along; it was the evening rush hour and vehicles of all shapes and sizes were rushing past her, some narrowly avoiding crashing into her, all oblivious to her presence, her pain.
Barely aware of the traffic, she soldiered on, remembering the clichéd saying: To thine own self be true. Reaching the pedestrian crossing she’d used on multiple occasions, she pushed the button and waited for the signal of the green man. Its beeping jolted her out of her reverie and she began to cross, never seeing the car, whose driver was talking on her mobile phone, until it was too late.
There you have it. If you would like to take part in WIPpet Wednesday, it’s easy. Simply post on your blog any piece of your writing that you want – preferably relating to the date – and then add your name to this. Then you can read all the wonderful things that the other WIPpeteers have written.
Thank you K. L. Schwengel for being our hostess with the mostest!
Elaine Jeremiah 
Tragic! On so many levels. 😦 Your poor MC!
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Yes my poor character! She’s not done too well has she?
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Not at all! Does she get a happy ending? Or at least a bitter-sweet one?
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😀
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Erm… I was kind of going to leave it there, up to your imagination if she makes it or not. But as so many people have been so positive about it, it may be that it leads to a longer story. 🙂
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LOL That’s happened to me a few times. “Oh. Um, you liked it that much, did you? Well, I guess I could add…”
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Sad and bittersweet. The first paragraph is especially lyrical and beautiful. Sounds like this story has lots of layers to it.
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Thank you Xina. Actually this was just an experiment as I didn’t have anything to share, but it could become a longer story. 🙂
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Zow. The last line is a punch, that’s for sure. You really give a sense of the despair, of the turmoil, the hardship she feels is going to come…at the last moment, the realization of the car about to change all that. Perhaps permanently. Not seeing the car until it’s too late really mirrors not seeing the marriage was the wrong thing until it was too late.
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Thanks Kathi, glad you enjoyed this piece. It’s interesting to me what different people are saying, how it works on different levels – I wrote it really quickly yesterday so it wasn’t a case of planning it out carefully. 🙂
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Blimey, what an ending, but a really great piece 🙂
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Ah thank you, glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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Really, really good and gut-wrenching. Wow. I don’t know if you meant it as just a piece of flash fiction or if it’s going to be more than that, but it works either way. And i also like the parallels in the story between the marriage and the car.
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Thank you so much Amy. I guess I meant more as a piece of flash fiction, which I haven’t really done before, so your response is so positive and helpful! I’m glad that you can see different aspects to it – I wrote it really quickly so it’s great you’re seeing depth to it. 🙂
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How sad!!!! I wonder what will happen to her after this. Did she live? Very compelling story!
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Thank you Linda. Does she live or die? I’ve left it open so I guess it’s kind of up to the reader’s imagination. 🙂
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A very sad piece. The car at the end, though, caught me a bit by surprise too, as I was so wrapped up in what the MC was thinking/feeling that I didn’t notice it either. Hopefully she pulls through, or the driver swerves and misses her.
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Thanks for your comment Christina. So glad you enjoyed it. As for the ending… well I’ve left it open to interpretation. 🙂
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O no!! This works great as a short story, but I think it could also be a neat start to a story of its own – car accident leads to re-evaluation and what not. Good job!
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Thank you so much Alana, glad you enjoyed it. To be honest I had it in my head that she would die when the car hit her, but as you say it could be that she survives and things change in her life. A story for another day maybe…
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Elaine, the depth you pulled out for this piece is wonderful. You may have wrote it quick, but … in your attempt to just let yourself go, I think you freed something. An inner sense, I guess, and a freedom to let your character be free to do the most foolish, most dangerous thing…. Something. It was raw, and that’s part of its power btw. The lack of editing, of trying to trim the frustration your MC is feeling into neater prose gives it intensity.
I’d love to see more like this, personally, but you need to write what makes YOU happiest.
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Ah thanks for such an insightful comment Eden. So glad you enjoyed this piece and your advice is very helpful. I hadn’t really tried flash fiction before (which I’m guessing this is??) and I really enjoyed writing this, just the feeling of letting go and not worrying too much about plot or character, just going with it and writing a story. So yeah, it was good for me. 😀
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I could feel the cars whizzing by and I was warning her, because my danger instinct is pretty good…
But she couldn’t hear me. And neither could the yutz who couldn’t put her phone down while she was driving….
I love this ending here – and I think I would love it if it continued on, too…you could have a survival story or a ghost story or…
I’d definitely like to know more about how the wonderful guy became intolerable….and what his reaction to the accident is.
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Hi Shanjeniah. Thanks for your thoughts. Hmm… I’m thinking that maybe I’ll continue this story at some point as you and so many others have said they want to know what happens next! 😀
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