Hello fellow WIPpeteers! How’s your week been? Mine’s been interesting, lots of new developments including looking in to doing some proofreading for fellow authors… Anyway back to today. The excerpt that I’m sharing today is from my WIP which has the working title of ‘Reunion’. I’m sharing the opening 12 lines, it being the 12th June today. I have a feeling I shared the opening of this before BUT – and it’s a big but – I’ve been tweaking it, trying to make it grab the reader more from the beginning. Please let me know what you think. BTW big shout out to my good friend Kate Frost who’s publishing her novel The Butterfly Storm today. Yay for Kate!
‘That’s the last of them.’
Anna couldn’t answer. Her eyes were full of tears which obstinately refused to go away. Melissa looked at her with concern.
‘Are you OK, Anna?’
Anna shrugged by way of reply. Then gulping, she somehow found her voice. ‘I’m so glad you’re staying,’ she whispered. ‘It’s been pretty awful really.’
Melissa put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed. ‘Well it’s all in the past now. It’s a new start for both of us.’
If you would like to take part in WIPpet Wednesday, all you have to do is post an excerpt from your blog which relates somehow to the date, so it being the 12th June I’ve shared 12 lines. Or it could be 12 paragraphs. Or 12 words. You could even get clever and take 12 lines from chapter 6! Go on, get creative. 🙂 Then add your link to this linky. Thanks as always to K.L. Schwengel for hosting.
Elaine Jeremiah 
I like big buts, and I cannot lie… (sorry, had to be done)
I like this. I wish I had a friend like Melissa. I do want to know what’s going on, though.
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*snort, giggle*
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Glad you like this. Yes, Melissa’s great. All will be revealed…eventually! 🙂
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‘she shrugged by way of reply.’ I love that response 🙂 Those 12 lines elicit a sadness my heart is curious to mourn for.
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Thanks Sarah. I like your words ‘my heart is curious to mourn for’ – very poetic. 🙂 And yes at this point in the story my character Anna is devastated.
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That’s a much stronger opening than how it was originally. I like the first line being dialogue and it also immediately raises the question, ‘the last of what?’ which is good. I feel like you’ve put the reader straight into the action. Lovely!
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Oh thanks Kate, glad you think it’s better. Sometimes it can be hard for me going back to stuff I’ve written and trying to reword it without changing the entire course of the story. Though I guess that can be good to do too. This time it worked quite well. 🙂
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You have me intrigued. Great opening. ☺
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Ah thanks so much Jade. Good to have your thoughts. Glad my opening grabbed you. 🙂
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This start definitely gets me wondering more about the backstory of the moment. 🙂
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That’s the funny thing with any story isn’t it – there’s always a backstory. Suffice it to say Anna’s been through a lot and Melissa’s been there for her every step of the way. Just as all good friends should. 🙂
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Man! A number of the WIPpet posts today are bittersweet. Thanks for this excerpt.
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I should have posted a happy smiley excerpt. There are some but later on in the story. 🙂
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I’d say it’s captivating. Shows a strong friendship that seems to have gone though n awful lot. Nice job!
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Thanks Alana. Yes this friendship has definitely weathered the storm.
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I definitely want the back story! good job on making it enticing!!
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Thanks a lot Adrian. Yes it feels a lot better to me now that I’ve amended it a bit.
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Coming late to the party, I see. Did anyone else have major WordPress issues this morning? Well, that would have been about ten hours ago my time. 😉 Great opening, definitely makes me wonder what’s going on and sets the tone of the friendship.
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I didn’t have a problem today but then my morning is probably not your morning lol. Thanks for the positive comment. Good that it’s grabbed you. 🙂
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I sense the uncertainty, but I feel like you as the author are telling us to be concerned about Anna as opposed to Anna showing her need for her need for concern.
The first line however is perfect. It gives a lot of possibilities.
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Thanks for your thoughts Eden. Glad you liked the first line. It’s interesting what you said about me telling the reader to be concerned for Anna rather than showing. Maybe I’ll take another look…
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Thank you for not taking my comment wrong, Elaine. I know this is a WIP after all, but you seemed like you were really trying to hone these opening sentences, so I wanted to help as much as I could with limited exposure to the piece.
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Sometimes even constructive criticism can be a bit difficult to take on board, but it’s worth it in the end to have a story that reads better. 🙂
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Ooh, intriguing opening! I definitely want to know what has led up to it and why the women are trying to move forward. (And if you have shared this before, I never saw it, so it’s completely new to me!)
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Glad it’s new to you Emily. And glad you found it intriguing too. I won’t say too much more so I don’t give away the plot, but it’s good to have so many positive responses. 🙂
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